How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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