Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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