I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
