but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
