you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
