every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
