You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
