:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
