Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
