Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
