Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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