he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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