I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
