You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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