just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Too much gin, very little bucket
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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