I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
