The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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