i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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