apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
