Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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