you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
