if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
