from now on my penis is your penis
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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