I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
