My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
