i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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