i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
