I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
