I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
