Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
