its not stalking. its research.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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