what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
