when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
