I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
false alarm. still invincible.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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