Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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