That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
