Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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