Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
