I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
