Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
