this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
im on a boat
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