Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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