if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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