Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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