Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
