So drunk its hurt
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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