Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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