Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
