Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
