just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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