why didn't you poke me back
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it was like eating out sand paper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
