Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
