If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
