You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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